I went to the dentist recently for my bi-annual check up. I have been having sensitivity to cold on the teeth on the left side of my mouth, so I mentioned that when they asked if I'd been having any problems. The dental hygienist said my teeth looked great, but my dentist said that the sensitivity was probably caused by grinding my teeth. I was pretty sure I didn't grind my teeth, but I had noticed that I had these pinholes in the tops of my molars, and I was thinking that I had tons of cavities (panic!). Instead, my dentist told me that the pinholes were probably caused by clenching my jaw or teeth while I was sleeping, and this is what was contributing to the sensitivity in my teeth.
So, over the past month, I have been paying close attention to the amount of time during the day that I spend clenching or holding my jaw/teeth. It's been an amazing revelation! Or rather, maybe a sad revelation...I clench my jaw ALL THE TIME. I had no idea. How is it possible to do something all the time and have no insight into your behavior? That's a revelation. Awareness. Acceptance. Action.
Awareness:
Dentist: Do you clench your jaw?
Me: Well, that's certainly a possibility.
Then, I start to notice that I clench my jaw during the day when I'm stressed or anxious and at night when I'm sleeping. Woah.
Acceptance:
I clench my jaw all the time. Okay, clearly I need to find another way to handle the tension that I am now keeping in my clenched jaw.
Action:
Relax. Move my mouth and jaw around at random times just to see how tense it is. Check in with my jaw. Tell it to relax.
Okay, now what? Where does all that tension from clenching my teeth go? I have a feeling that it goes into my body somewhere else or possibly comes out as an emotion that I don't want to face right now (like sadness).
What I have realized, through yoga, book reading, and many other avenues in my life, is that we hold our pain/frustration/worry/hurt/sadness (etc.) in our body somewhere. If we do not resolve or work through these difficult feelings/emotions/situations, the body becomes sick (headache, hives, sinus infection, even cancer). Working through difficulties in our lives can be overwhelming and seem impossible at times. Sometimes I hate it. I hate feeling my feelings. But I guess what I am learning is that it's better to figure these things out now. I'd rather work on not clenching my jaw and figuring how a better way to handle my stress and anxiety than have to replace my teeth with dentures at age 40.
Awareness. Acceptance. Action.
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Saturday, February 16, 2013
A little "letting go" goes a long way...
I have been in a bit of a panic over the past week, after interviewing for a doctorate program at UNC-CH that I'd really like to get into for this upcoming fall. I was in a state of limbo, not really knowing how I did on the phone interview and if I would get accepted or rejected.
In case you haven't experienced a phone interview in your adult life, I'll just tell you that it's one of the most difficult situations I have ever been through; it's EXTREMELY different from an in-person interview. During an in-person interview you can see the other person's facial expressions and body language, and they can see yours. Over the phone, that element of sending and receiving messages via body language is not there. You have to be very clear about your intent, and you have to sound very knowledgeable and sure of yourself. You have to enter the conversation, from the moment you answer the phone, with complete confidence in yourself and your goals. That's not easy.
But I was reminded earlier this week, and particularly in a conversation with a friend last night, that we have control over NOTHING outside of ourselves. Pondering what MIGHT happen, or worrying about what I'll do if it DOESN'T happen, doesn't change the circumstances or the outcome. How often do you spend hours and hours planning your future only to find out that what you thought was going to happen actually doesn't happen?! And what you didn't even think was possible is suddenly placed in front of you as a very real opportunity?!
Letting go of control is directly intertwined with being open to those random, seemingly impossible opportunities that suddenly become a very real part of your life. Last night I decided that I needed to journal on letting go. I needed to be open to whatever the universe (or God or whatever you want to call that higher spiritual being) had in store for me, even if it wasn't the direction I "thought" my life needed to go in.
It's a huge leap of faith ... and takes a lot of LETTING GO OF CONTROL.
Sometimes what you want for your life is exactly what the universe has in store for you too. Letting go of the outcome last night before bed allowed that opportunity to come through without any of my own expectations, attachments, and desires. Then, it could actually just be a pure acceptance of what comes...(no matter what "it" is...)
"Welcome back to school!"
In case you haven't experienced a phone interview in your adult life, I'll just tell you that it's one of the most difficult situations I have ever been through; it's EXTREMELY different from an in-person interview. During an in-person interview you can see the other person's facial expressions and body language, and they can see yours. Over the phone, that element of sending and receiving messages via body language is not there. You have to be very clear about your intent, and you have to sound very knowledgeable and sure of yourself. You have to enter the conversation, from the moment you answer the phone, with complete confidence in yourself and your goals. That's not easy.
But I was reminded earlier this week, and particularly in a conversation with a friend last night, that we have control over NOTHING outside of ourselves. Pondering what MIGHT happen, or worrying about what I'll do if it DOESN'T happen, doesn't change the circumstances or the outcome. How often do you spend hours and hours planning your future only to find out that what you thought was going to happen actually doesn't happen?! And what you didn't even think was possible is suddenly placed in front of you as a very real opportunity?!
Letting go of control is directly intertwined with being open to those random, seemingly impossible opportunities that suddenly become a very real part of your life. Last night I decided that I needed to journal on letting go. I needed to be open to whatever the universe (or God or whatever you want to call that higher spiritual being) had in store for me, even if it wasn't the direction I "thought" my life needed to go in.
It's a huge leap of faith ... and takes a lot of LETTING GO OF CONTROL.
Sometimes what you want for your life is exactly what the universe has in store for you too. Letting go of the outcome last night before bed allowed that opportunity to come through without any of my own expectations, attachments, and desires. Then, it could actually just be a pure acceptance of what comes...(no matter what "it" is...)
"Welcome back to school!"
I drew this a few weeks ago, but it seems fitting right now: "Miraculous Gratitude."
Friday, February 15, 2013
I need a change...
I have been struggling with changing the function and purpose of this blog for the past couple of months. I have been trying to decide if I want to delete this blog and begin a new one or just change the path of this blog. I'm still not sure what my ultimate goal or decision is going to be, but for now, I can't let go of this particular space so I'm just going to shift the direction a little.
When I first began this blog, I had tons of time to take pictures and tons of time to update a blog. The use of my time has changed quite a bit over the past four years. And as that has changed, you have seen fewer and fewer posts over a longer and longer period of time. My last post was over 6 months ago at this point, and I have nothing exciting to say about what has happened since then. Not only that, I'm not sure I want to discuss what's happening explicitly in my life right now anyway. Who cares, right?! Ultimately we are all just trying to live our lives the best we can every day.
What I have found more interesting in my life at this point is to focus on little pieces of wisdom that I have learned through yoga or life as a teacher or just life in general. I'm not exactly sure how to share these moments with you because I have rarely done that here, in this space, and sometimes it is difficult to put words to these small moments of gratitude or little lights of revelation that appear in my life.
One thing that I have thought about a lot over the past year is how to accept myself and other people just as they are. Not as they were yesterday or a year ago ... but as they are at this moment in time, right now. First I have to learn how to accept myself as I am right now, which can be VERY difficult. My tendency, and maybe our culture's tendency, is to constantly criticize ourselves and evaluate how we could do better at whatever it is that we our doing, whether it is our job, or our yoga practice, or our relationships, or anything else in our lives. In order to accept myself as I am right now, I have to be LESS critical and judgmental and MORE accepting. It's not always easy. But I will tell you that it is much easier to accept others as they are when I am able to be more accepting of myself.
I have been told (and I have experienced it for myself): acceptance is the key to serenity.
Sometimes it simply takes being willing and able to say something like: I accept myself as I am and I accept others as they are. We are all doing the best we can.
Sometimes it means being willing and able to say that over and over again until we actually believe it. Sometimes it takes days or weeks or years to believe these things, just like it took years to cultivate an attitude of judgment toward ourselves and others. Acceptance is the key to serenity. Acceptance is the key to serenity...
When I first began this blog, I had tons of time to take pictures and tons of time to update a blog. The use of my time has changed quite a bit over the past four years. And as that has changed, you have seen fewer and fewer posts over a longer and longer period of time. My last post was over 6 months ago at this point, and I have nothing exciting to say about what has happened since then. Not only that, I'm not sure I want to discuss what's happening explicitly in my life right now anyway. Who cares, right?! Ultimately we are all just trying to live our lives the best we can every day.
What I have found more interesting in my life at this point is to focus on little pieces of wisdom that I have learned through yoga or life as a teacher or just life in general. I'm not exactly sure how to share these moments with you because I have rarely done that here, in this space, and sometimes it is difficult to put words to these small moments of gratitude or little lights of revelation that appear in my life.
One thing that I have thought about a lot over the past year is how to accept myself and other people just as they are. Not as they were yesterday or a year ago ... but as they are at this moment in time, right now. First I have to learn how to accept myself as I am right now, which can be VERY difficult. My tendency, and maybe our culture's tendency, is to constantly criticize ourselves and evaluate how we could do better at whatever it is that we our doing, whether it is our job, or our yoga practice, or our relationships, or anything else in our lives. In order to accept myself as I am right now, I have to be LESS critical and judgmental and MORE accepting. It's not always easy. But I will tell you that it is much easier to accept others as they are when I am able to be more accepting of myself.
I have been told (and I have experienced it for myself): acceptance is the key to serenity.
Sometimes it simply takes being willing and able to say something like: I accept myself as I am and I accept others as they are. We are all doing the best we can.
Sometimes it means being willing and able to say that over and over again until we actually believe it. Sometimes it takes days or weeks or years to believe these things, just like it took years to cultivate an attitude of judgment toward ourselves and others. Acceptance is the key to serenity. Acceptance is the key to serenity...
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